Goldfish Jokes! 10 funny jokes about goldfish

Check out our top ten jokes about goldfish and share your own in the comments!

Two goldfish are in a tank.
One turns to the other and says “do you know how to drive this thing?!”

Two goldfish are in a tank.
One turns to the other and says “It’s a bit wet in here”
The other says “Wow! A talking fish!”

What did the goldfish say when he swam into a wall?
“Dam.”

What fish do goldfish see when they need an operation?
A sturgeon.

A man walks into a cafe with a goldfish under his arm
He asks the owner “do you sell fish cakes?”
The owner says no
The man says “That’s a shame. It’s his birthday today.”

Where do goldfish keep their money?
In the river bank.

What do you call a goldfish with no eyes?
Goldf sh.

One day, God speaks to Noah. “Noah”, he says, “I want you to build another Ark.”
“What, like the last one?” asks Noah.
“Yes,” replies God, “Except this time, I want it to have 10 decks.”
“And shall I lead all the animals into it, two by two, like last time?’ asks Noah.
“No, this time I only want you to lead fish into it!”
Noah is a little puzzled. “Just fish?” he asks.
“Yes,” says God. “In fact, just carp.”
“Just carp? Why carp?” Noah quizzes.
“Well,” says God, “I’ve always wanted a multi-storey carp Ark!”

Why are goldfish easy to weigh?
They bring their own scales.

What is stranger than seeing a cat fish?
Seeing a goldfish bowl.

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